Thursday, March 20, 2014

Meet Alex from "Confessions of an Alli Cat" by Courtney Cole

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Thirty-five year-old Allison "Alli" Lancaster has it all--a fabulous job, a beautiful 15 year-old daughter, a hilarious BFF and a gorgeous house with a pool and Jacuzzi in an exclusive Las Vegas neighborhood. What she doesn't have is a husband, because she kicked her lousy, cheating ex to the curb nine months ago. Since then, Alli has paid her dues with seemingly endless self-improvement and seemingly endless mourning. Now she's ready to move on and try new things. 

Alli's idea of "trying new things" is nothing like that devil-of-a-best-friend of hers. Somehow, Sara, the devil of a best friend, talks Alli into trying out a sex toy, sleeping with a younger man and letting a stranger in a lab jacket put hot wax on a place that should never, ever, ever see wax. And that's only the beginning. 

Alli never saw her life going quite like this. She also never thought she'd meet someone else who had the very real potential to change her life forever. 

But she did. 

Enter the new guy. He's gorgeous, refined and mature. He's also marriage material. But that poses a problem for Alli, who renounced the institution of marriage when she renounced her ex. What's a girl to do?

They say that what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. But what the heck happens when you can't leave Vegas? Well, you spin the wheel, of course. You play the game and let the chips fall where they may. 

Alli just hopes she can find them all.



Excerpt:

I decide against wearing stockings or even panties today.  I can’t believe I’m doing this, but I can’t have anything touching my girl.  I just can’t.  If I weren’t in so much pain, I would feel naughty for going to work sans panties.
As it is, I just feel grumpy. When I get in my car, I carefully arrange Brazilian Baldy so that she’s not rubbing against my seat.  My phone buzzes. It’s Sara.
That’s your vagina talking, not you.  You love me.  You have to.  Because I know all of your secrets.
I sigh.  She has a point.
Fine.  My vagina hates you, I answer.
I don’t even have time to stop and get coffee on the way to work, which definitely doesn’t bode well for my day.
As I breeze past Taylor, I growl, “I need coffee.”
She takes one look at my face and scrambles to her feet, presumably to find me some.  I love that girl.  She knows me so well.  And also, she doesn’t want to put up with me sans caffeine.  I know that much is true because don’t want to put up with me sans caffeine either.
“Alli,” she calls from behind me, but I ignore her.  I’m so not in the mood for anything right now until I have imbibed at least two cups.
“I’m not in the mood yet,” I call back as I open my office door.
I’m not usually such a bitch, but a raw crotch will do that to a person.
I stalk into my office and stop.
Alex is sitting casually on the couch, his legs propped up while he reads the Wall Street Journal.  I stare.  He glances up. He’s got two cups from a local coffee house sitting next to him.  He is wearing black pinstripe slacks and a white button-up.  He looks fresh and handsome and it’s apparent that he is certainly not suffering from a raw crotch.
And holy shit.  Sara was right.  It definitely depends on who is wearing the button-up as to how boring it is.
This white-button up is not boring at all.  When it is stretched across two strong shoulders like that, how could it be boring?
Alex smiles.
It’s a beautiful smile that makes the corners of his gorgeous eyes crinkle.
“I took a chance and guessed that you like Kona coffee,” he says cheerfully, handing me one of the cups.  “Sugar and cream.  I’m sorry if it’s not right.”
“Bless you,” I say as I grab the cup greedily from his fingers. I restrain myself from gulping it down in two swallows. Instead, I sip it like a lady.  A lady who has been wandering in the desert for two weeks and is ready to die from thirst, that is.
Alex laughs.
“Bad morning?”
I lower the cup.  If I admit it, he might think I can’t handle personal stress after all.  And I can’t tell him about my vag problems.
“Um.  Just busy already,” I tell him.
“Well, I won’t keep you.  I just wanted to tell you that I’ll be sitting in your staff meeting today.  I just want to get a feel for your department.  No big thing.  I just didn’t want you to feel surprised.”
I smile.  I’m feeling gracious now that the caffeine is circulating through my veins.
“It’s fine. I expected that you would join us today and obviously, you are welcome any time.  Is there anything in particular you want us to cover?”
Alex shakes his sexy head.
“No.  Just go on with business as usual. If I have questions, I’ll ask.”
He picks up his paper and takes his leave.  He is barely gone before I buzz for Taylor.  She walks in and I smile pleasantly.
“Is there any reason why you didn’t mention as I walked past you that our new boss was waiting for me in my office?”
She smiles back, like the saucy wench that she is.
“Yes.  You said that you weren’t in the mood for it yet.”
I take four deep breaths and mentally pick up my stapler and throw it at her smiling head.  She smiles wider, as if she knows my thoughts.
“In the future,” I say calmly, still smiling, “Please let me know when Alex Harris is waiting for me, even if I say that I’m not in the mood to hear it.”
She nods cheerfully.  “Will do, boss.  Should I also always tell you if you have lipstick on your teeth?”
I nod back.  “Of course.”
She smiles.  “You do.”





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Quotes:

"Her kind of crazy is like the avocado kind of crazy- the good kind."

"Welcome to Crazy Town. I hope you enjoy your stay."

"Today starts the liberation of Allison. Or at least her too-hah."

"I laugh at the thought that a beaver is going to stimulate my beaver."

"Yep, I'm gonna ride him like a runaway bull tonight, No two ways about it."

"Oh, you flatter! If either of us swung that way, we'd be perfect together. But, alas, I'm a sausage lover, as are you. No tacos for us."

"I'm in love with his grin. I want to find a luxury apartment in SoHo or some equally cool neighborhood and co-habitate with it and have its little grin babies. That's how much I love it."

" "Not now, Sara." I say through gritted teeth. "I'm apologizing to my vagina." "




ABOUT COURTNEY COLE:

Courtney Cole is a novelist who would eat mythology for breakfast if she could. She has a degree in Business, but has since discovered that corporate America is not nearly as fun to live in as fictional worlds. She loves chocolate and roller coasters and hates waiting and rude people.

Courtney lives in quiet suburbia, close to Lake Michigan, with her real-life Prince Charming, her ornery kids (there is a small chance that they get their orneriness from their mother) and a small domestic zoo.


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